STUFFED !!

Spring cleaning. This year I am doing more than cleaning, I am cleaning out. Seriously, there are times I look around my cozy little place and realize that I don't have room for another thing. But, I find yet another thing that I absolutely love and I end up fitting it in somehow. I have a little plaque on my fridge with a quote from George Carlin.."Home is where we keep our stuff, while we are out getting more stuff."..Alas, I am a collector, but I am not a hoarder. Believe me, I have seen those hoarder shows and realized (with relief) that I am not that bad. Not saving butter containers yet. Although, at one point I had way too many paper bags saved! So, I have been "going through my stuff". Now, I do expect this to take quite a while because some of this stuff I haven't seen in years. I really have some great stuff. The decision to keep or pass it on is not an easy one. I have read & re-read the book by the guy who had that program on HGTV, Clean Sweep. He explains in his book that we attach a huge emotional value to our stuff and that is the reason we keep things. He mentions that most of the stuff that is stored in rented storage containers, that people continue to pay rent on month after month, is very rarely taken back out of storage. Most stored stuff is never again visited by it's owners. I can sympathize. When I downsized after my divorce, I had like 75 totes of stuff in my new basement. (I got rid of about 150 totes of stuff when I moved to the new place). I had two or three yard sales after I moved into the new place, and when I went down into my last week, I was back up to having 75 totes of stuff again. How did this happen? I ahve vowed to cleanout the basement once again. This time I have enlisted the help of some friends who will help me get beyond the emotional attachment to my stuff. Or so I hope.
Last night I was looking at a mirror that I have on my bedroom mantle, it was my mom's. It is nothing that I particularly like, I would like it more if it was in a frame, I guess. The frame was very cheap and fell off about 5 years ago. It is just a large, very sharp edged mirror , with a Japanese geisha engraved on it. I have hung onto it all these years because it was my mom's, for basically no other reason. I asked about getting it framed at a local craft store and they said it would be about 150.00, so back it went on the mantle unframed. It is my emotional attachement to it that keeps it there on the mantle. I have to let go of the thought that somehow that mirror is my mom. In reality , it is a mirror that hung in my mom's house. If she was still alive, there is a chance that maybe she would have tired of it and sent it packing anyway. Now, I have to be brave enough to let it go.
And it is surprising, when I packed up two bags of stuff for Goodwill two weeks ago and got it right out the door, it felt good. When I went through my desk last weekend and cleaned out a lot of old paperwork, it felt good. This weekend, I am "going through stuff" in the kitchen. I probably have 25 kitchen gadgets that I haven't used in years. I know I have a bag of cookie cutters that haven't been pushed into cookie dough for 10 years anyway. My grandchildren & my niece make cookies, I bet they could use them . They can cut out forms in play dough with them, too. Way better than sitting in a draw in my kitchen for the next ten years and I knwo I will feel good about it .
So, here's to Spring Cleaning-Out! I am really having fun with it this year. Peace.

You gotta have friends........

Where would I be without all my great friends? I would very well be up the creek with no paddles..up the creek with no water, too. "They" say people who have plenty of friends live longer and happier lives. I have no trouble falling for that bit of info. I chat on the phone with at least two or three friends a day and make plans with friends at least a couple of times a week.
I haven't always had so many people in my life. There was a time when I felt alone and thought I had no where to turn. Those were very scary days. As life started to rebound for me, about 10-12 years ago, I started gathering these precious gems that I call friends. And I must mention that not all my friends are gal-pals. I actually have a bunch of great guy friends in my life that I do treasure. Mostly, they are husbands of my pals but still if I needed help, they would be there for me. The real test of friendship. I  have a couple of ex-boyfriends who now fall into the "just friends" category. A real testament to my picking "good" ones now.
They are all soooo different from each other, personality-wise, a  very eclectic bunch. BUT they also have a lot in common: like being supportive, sharing big laughs, caring when times are tough, gently critiquing a new haircut or new jeans, sharing desserts at dinner, having shoulders to cry on, helping out with a home project, helping to pack boxes for a big move......all the wonderful things you believe a friend would be.
So today's blog is meant to be a SHOUT OUT to all my friends. I am not naming names, you know who you are . I would not be able to make it in this life without you.
 I must mention here, too, that I have four great sisters and a brother who I include in this bunch of friends. Could not imagine life without them, love them all very much.
So, today for me is Appreciate a Friend Day. I hope I never forget to appreciate them everyday. Peace.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes.......

Wouldn't it be great if we humans thought of change as our therapists would like us to.....a second chance, a challenge, another door opening, a fresh start, a do-over. But most of us don't. I know I think of change as a BAD thing...uncertainty, confusion, painful & tearful, a leave of absence from the comfort zone, just plain scary. I like my warm & fuzzy sweaters & socks, my mac, cheese & fried bologna. Recently, there was something that happened that would shake my foundation a bit. I felt scared, uncertain, worried.
Well, it just so happens that I have just finished two good books on worry/anxiety/stress. The first is The Worry Cure by Robert Leahy, a cognitive therapist and the second book is Nerve by Taylor Clark, a researcher. Low & behold the first thing that I read is that there are no quarantees in life. I am sure you are saying everyone knows that,come on, of course everyone knows that, right? Well, let me tell you that I have spent the better part of my life trying to get a guarantee. I want 100% certainty that my life will continue with no bumps or lumps, no BAD stuff  happening. I constantly check & re-check things looking for reassurance. I am hyper-vigilant, always thinking of the bad thing that could happen amidst all the fun. My pediatrician thought it was uncanny how I would have my kids in his office before any illness had a chance to take root. It has been my job in life to see danger from 50 miles away, so that I could prevent anything bad from happening. If I did not stay on top of things and something bad happened, it would be my fault. Can you even imagine having this kind of power? Imagine is right because that is just where this power lies, in my imagin-ation.
 So, I will be re-reading my two good books after I give myself a week or so to contemplate what I have learned from them. I realize that I need to change. What? Change? Me change? Yes, time to change..long overdue. I will say that this little bump on the long road of life has made me realize that I have been down this road before. I have been through some life altering changes in the past and I have survived. I have done more than survive, I have thrived.
So, look out opening doors, here I come..I might just knock you off your hinges ! Peace.

Life's a beach.......

Last weekend I took a ride to the beach. Yes, it was cold and windy but I just needed to breath the salt air. So off  I went ipod and down vest in hand. I stopped at the chocolatier on the way to see if they had any chocolate bunnies from antique molds , no luck. ( I am working on an Easter vignette !) I drove by my favorite fried clam place but did not pull in. What good was the walk going to do me if I ate fried foods? So on I went and pulled down the street with the beach lot on it. As I got closer I noticed the lot was packed with cars. I had to creep around looking for a spot and I am wondering what the heck is going. It is cold & windy and although the sun was out , it was definitely not a beach day. I walked down the path and saw that it was low tide, plenty of beach to hunt for treasures. A kite surfer flew by on the sand, no doubt a beginner trying to get his "sea-legs". As I got past the dunes, I saw all the people down by the water. Some in waders out in the water, some on the beach with rakes and buckets..what were they up to? Clamming? Yes, hen clamming !! They were digging up buckets full of those big, juicy clams. There were all kinds of people , men and women  with  kids and dogs. What fun ! I walked along , looking for treasures and listening to all the jabbering and laughing. Newbies asking others for advice,  dogs barking and chasing balls, kids running and collecting shells. I found a large peice of quartz and thought it would make a great paperweight. Unfortunately one of the dogs there thought it would make an even better ball to chase and was not going to leave me alone until I threw it . So no treasures, no luck finding sand dollars. I sat down for a bit and closed my eyes and took deep breaths and listened to all the wind-whipped voices. Almost felt like a summer day. (Almost, it was like 30 degrees with the wind) I stayed until my ears were numb and then headed for the car. There were plenty of people still walking from the lot with buckets and rakes, blankets and kids & dogs in tow. Headed for a fun afternoon at the beach and then home to make a hearty clam chowdah, no doubt. A just reward for braving the cold & wind. I headed home to settle in and have a nap..dreaming of a warm June day that is just around the corner.
Peace.

!@#$%^*.....They say it's your birthday ........

Ok, so it is well known around these parts that I think my birthday is pretty special. In years past I think I have let anyone I talked to in the month of March  know just what day they should be calling to wish me well. I come by this feeling honestly, though,  because my father's BD was the day after mine and it also happened to fall on St Patty's Day, which is a special day all on it's own. So there was alot of hoopla on those couple of days. We always planned a double BD party for the Sunday before or after with two cakes, lots of family, wearing of the green , etc. So, I kind of got used to having a grand celebration with lots of attention and presents and cake. After my dad passed away, I just kept it going. I was so used to my birthday being a big deal that I assumed everyone else thought so ,too. So it came as a shock to me that this year I just didn't feel the same excitement. I was pretty sad about it, too. It was like losing a friend, to be honest. It has been so much fun over the years to make a big deal about my birthday and why not, it is a big day for me. I just think I have hit a wall with my age..I don't want to go any further really. I mean , I want to live a lot longer..I just feel like I want to stay right here..fifty- something. Life is good.
So on THE day first thing ,my sister L calls me to say stop by the store she has a card fo rme. So in I go and there are two of my sisters L & B, my nephew, my brother in law, my niece all wishing me a happy birthday. I started to feel a wee bit better. On the ride into work three of my grandchildren ,my son & daughter in law get on the phone to wish me a happy birthday and to hint of the fun planned later at their house. Starting to feel pretty good.
I get to work, climb the stairs and looked at all the goodies on my desk. There is a white mum in a pot dressed up like a leprechan,  a big package of green Peeps, a note explaining that S took off for  a meeting with the cake still in his truck (a cake that his daughters had made for  me) two nice handmade cards from S's daughters and a big , flattened box with happy birthday written on it with a hand drawn cake. Everyone in the plant had been informed of my special day and all stopped by my desk to say happy birthday throughout the day.
 During the day, the rest of my kids called, and my two other grandchildren , O & M, called. I got many mesages on Facebook from friends & family all over the country ( some of these were very funny) and a bunch of emails. Wow, cheered me right up !!
Right after work headed to my son T's house and what a great BBQ we had, complete with cake AND my daughter in law K had made my very favorite pie, got beautiful PRESENTS and some cute cards the kids made me !! We played pin the tail on the donkey and danced, too. After the party I headed for home feeling pretty warm & fuzzy.
But wait there is more.......This past Saturday, my daughter R came down to visit and we went out for a belated birthday lunch with a bunch more of my family (a dozen of us)  and more cards & presents, too.
So, I ended up having quite a birthday week after all. And you know, I still feel pretty good. If all my next hundred birthdays mean I get to be treated like Queen Bee for a day (or a week) , then bring on the birthdays !!!!

PS- I have finished On Folly Beach by Karen White. I thought it was a good story, not sure about the style of writing. I kept thinking I was reading a script for a B movie. So I am on the fence about recommending this one. Please stay tuned.

A few books and a good movie........

I have been a reading fool the last three weeks !! I have read three Elin Hilderbrand books. My friend M passed on a stack of four, one of which I had already read. It was almost like a challenge getting that many at once. Hildebrand writes what she knows , which is Nantucket Island... the romance, the twists of fate, the landscape or should I say seascape. So in this stack that I devoured was:
The Blue Bistro, Season of Love and Beach Club.  I love it when author intertwines novels..like when you read a good book and you wish it didn't have to end. Well, these Nantucket novels all have a familiarity that puts you in the middle of a community of people, and in every house on the island, there is a story. Anyway..I recommend all of the above by Elin Hilderbrand.
I also read Shanghai Girls by Lisa See. It was the story of two sisters growing up in China in the 40's and 50's and how their lives were brutally turned upside down when war broke out. I read about 1/2 to 2/3 of this book and then skimmed the rest. I started to lose interest (which doesn't happen to me very often). It just felt too much like See's other novel Snowflower and the Secret Fan. So if you liked See's first novel, you may like her second or you may feel like I did -that the style and susbstance were too similiar.
I picked up another Annie Proulx book called Close Range. (she wrote Shipping News, which I really liked)A book of short stories about life in Wyoming. They were really good short stories. One in particular called Brokeback Mountain. Yes, that movie that won awards was based on a short story. I had never seen the movie, and was I surprised to see that short story in her book. I am so glad I read it before seeing the movie. It was THE most powerful story I have ever read. When I read the last sentence, I felt like I had the wind knocked out of me, it was that good. Then I rented the movie and every line from the story is in the movie. Of course they had to embellish the home lives of these two cowboys so that the movie could go beyond 45 mins, but the two screen writers did a good job. One of the screenwriters was Larry McMurtry, who is one of my favorite writers. I HIGHLY recommend that you both read the story and see the movie, in that order . It was a powerful and poignant love story.
I am now almost halfway through Folly Beach by Karen White ( new author for me) , so I will be reviewing that in a week or two.

Spring is definitely in the air, so sooner than we think we will laying on the beach with a good book !! Peace.

The fields breathe sweet, the daisies kiss our feet......

As the snow comes falling from the sky today, heavy & wet and piling up an inch or two an hour, I am looking up information on the Portland Flower Show. Starts Thursday March 10th, in the old yacht services building on Fore St.
  " Some years you need to see flowers and green grass more than others, ya know ? "
You may recall in the last blog that I was afraid that I would have to be layed off from my great job. I was feeling pretty down about it, as one might expect. It looks like that is not going to happen, but for some reason though, I cannot take that big sigh of relief. I have been under this stress for well over a month and I was hoping it would lift instantly. I think it shook me so much that I just want to get further down the road from it, just like I would a bad dream.
So, I am looking forward to going to the show for all of the above reasons..I need to add a little "spring" in my step, so to speak. I have been to the show many times as a vendor and only once as just a member of the public there to admire all the displays. I have not been for quite a few years now. I love the old building. There we are among some beautiful old sail boats, all put away for the winter, moving around underneath them  like the rolling seas usually do in summer. That fact is not lost on me. I think they can smell the flowers too and know that pretty soon they will be back on the water, doing what they were meant to do. Can't ignore the wooden floors and just the general history of the building and Phinney Sprague walking around like he owns the place, making sure all goes well and runs smoothly. He is a great host. One year when I was there as a vendor, he found out it was my birthday and announced on the loud speaker that everyone in the place needed to stop by my booth and say Happy Birthday..and ya know,  I think everyone did.  ( oh, by the way, Phinney  Sprague does own the place !!!)
I hope my gal pals can all make it too, because there is a lot of pleasure in sharing the experience with friends.The same friends that I go out to the beach with after work on summer nights to walk & talk and breathe salt air and collect sand dollars  & other treasures, if  I am lucky enough to find some. I will have to email all the details and I know I won't have to talk anyone into it. We are all ready for winter to end and for Spring to begin.
I  just thought of something, just this minute. I may have just realized why I have stayed away from the show for so long. About twelve years or so ago, when I was working as a vendor at the Flower Show, I came home from the opening night gala and found that my ex-husband had packed up & moved out. Left a note in the sock draw.. after 25 years  & raising four kids & all the richer/poorer stuff , a note in the sock draw. Can you believe it? It seems funny that I have no feeling about that now. No anger, no resentment, nothing. Well, I did suspect that this blog might become like therapy sometime , and today it certainly has !
 I will be going to the Flower Show with a spring in my step and a light  heart. Who's with me?

PS- I have just finished reading The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett. I had never read it as a kid. I was browsing through my Kindle free books and there it was ,so last weekend I began reading it, only took a few nights. I am sure you all know the story. Orphaned girl goes to stay with depressed rich uncle who has crippled son.  She discovers a secret garden and it cures all of them.
It really was a lovely story and I for one am hoping the very public garden at the Flower show does the same for me !!
I also read Elizabeth Gilberts new one, Comimtted. I loved Eat , Pray , Love and expected nothing less for the new book. I wanted it to be a real sequel full of the love story of Liz and Felippe. It was more of a history of the institute of marriage and got quite boring in places. Now, I hear her ex-husband has written a book of his own about their mariage. That should be interesting !!
I have just started this morning (at 5 am), another free Kindle book Letters of a Homesteader by Elinore Pruitt Stewart. I have only read a few chapters (or letters)  by it is very good. True story about a widow who heads west to build a home. More on it /her later.
I also watched finally, the movie Crazy Heart with Jeff Bridges, Colin Farrell , Maggie Gyllenhall and Robert Duvall. Well, I thought the movie was good, music fantastic and I am totally in love with Jeff Bridges. He can sing and so can't Farrell. I think they should do an album. I have  loved  Robert Duvall ever since Lonesome Dove ( I highly recommend the book & movie), and even though he has a small part, loved him in it. Gyllenhall was ok, I just didn't get the warm & fuzzies from her. I think she over-acted the part. It was a love story, plain & simple. Please movie producers..more of Mr Bridges.
'Til next time...peace.